Adoption costs vary greatly from state to state. My recommendation is to first get an estimate from a licensed agency and then from an adoption lawyer in your area. Most adoptions that I work on generally total around $20,000. This includes our flat-fee, the agency homestudy fees, the cost of outreach materials and expenses, and appropriate legal birth parent expenses. It may also include travel costs to another state should your birth family not be local.

Ask your lawyer or agency what they typically pay prospective birth parents for expenses.  In this service, we are very conservative in this area and money is not used as a “lure” to bring in a prospective birth mother. Relationships building is our main focus and not money.

How long will it take to adopt a newborn?                                          

Because Cooperative Adoptions is known as a “working service” that will depend on you and how rapidly you are able to follow directions as we help you create your adoption outreach materials. Most people adopt within 12-18 months. Occasionally clients have taken up to 24 months. Those wishing to adopt a child who is African American and Caucasian will generally adopt within a shorter time frame than others.

I see it seldom. A few years ago, the New York Times estimated that between 50-80% of all closed adoptions fell through at delivery time. Figures seem to range between 30-40% for “semi open” adoptions. Various high end open practitioners estimate that between 5-15% of all open adoptions do not go forth. 

The figure for Cooperative Adoption Consulting is between1% - 3% in any given year.  Mothers-to be who feel genuinely respected, cared for, and trusted by the adoptive family are more likely to follow through with an adoption plan. Additionally, those who have been provided with a high level of emotional counseling are more likely to follow through. Cooperative Adoption Consulting believes that the quality of the relationship between the participants is the key to a successful open adoption.

Screening is another crucial key. I not only am skilled at screening, but will teach you when interviewing how to ask appropriate questions.

If I sense during the pregnancy that a young women might want to keep, or is likely to keep her baby, that is encouraged. I would rather see a potential adoption come apart months before a birth than during the actually delivery. Moms-to-be who wish to parent are supported in this decision.

We are not sure how much of an open adoption we will want to do.  Do you ever have birth mothers-to-be wishing for a semi-open or less contact?

I do not. Education is amazing to me. When a young woman has been highly educated and empowered in this complex process, she will want as much openness as possible. The same is true of those adoptive parents-to-be well educated in the process of open adoption. Most come to this process mystified and a bit frightened by it. I recommend you attend Open Path adoption symposiums and read as much as possible. I tell everyone to begin reading 5 books about open adoption and birth parent. 

Have you ever had any major problems with an open adoption?

Yes, on a couple of occasions, but that is rare.

In the past, I have worked with a few adoptive couples who lacked integrity and who did not honor their open adoption commitment with the birth parents.  These are people who most likely never truly bought into the open concept of “best interest of the child.”  I have found these situations to be heartbreaking from the birth parent standpoint.  Fortunately, 19 states, including California, now have legally enforceable “contact agreements” which spells out intentions in writing.

What is the biggest task needed to complete by prospective adoptive families before they adopt?

The biggest task is around infertility resolution. Those who are still grieving the loss of a genetic child, don’t do well when trying to parent an adoptive child. It is crucial that adoptive parents address their grief, either through professional grief counseling or by joining an Open Path support group, and be truly ready to welcome a child into the home. (See the study and article on this topic by Ellen.)

8.  What will it take for us to feel comfortable parenting or even disciplining our child in front of birth family?

Developing a healthy sense of “entitlement” to parent the adoptive child is a major task for all adoptive parents where they are in an open or closed situation, or domestic or international adoption.  I’m not referring to “ownership” of the child, but the entitlement that you are a real parent able to discipline appropriately in front of birth family, and able to feel comfortable as  an adoptive family. Your job is to parent from the needs of the child and not vice versa. Secure parents are able to produce secure children. Insecure fragile parents pass their fears on to their child to carry and absorb.

What will it take for us to feel comfortable parenting or even disciplining our child in front of birth family?

Developing a healthy sense of “entitlement” to parent the adoptive child is a major task for all adoptive parents where they are in an open or closed situation, or domestic or international adoption. I’m not referring to “ownership” of the child, but the entitlement that you are a real parent able to discipline appropriately in front of birth family, and able to feel comfortable as  an adoptive family. Your job is to parent from the needs of the child and not vice versa. Secure parents are able to produce secure children. Insecure fragile parents pass their fears on to their child to carry and absorb.

•  Won’t our child be confused as to who the “real” parents are if they are seeing birth parents?

When you read about child development stages it becomes apparent that children do not become confused when they are around relatives. In almost three decades of doing open adoptions, I have never seen a child confused about relatives who visit, including birth parents. Also, when a child has a bond with parents, they do not look to others for comfort—they want Mom and Dad who are familiar.

Suggested Reading:

THE THIRD CHOICE by Leslie Foge and Gail Mosconi

LIFEGIVERS by Jim Gritter

THE OPEN ADOPTION EXPERIENCE by Sharon Roszia

MAKING ROOM IN OUR HEARTS  by Micky Duxbury

THE OPEN ADOPTION EXPERIENCE by Jim Gritter

DEAR BIRTH MOTHER by Kathleen Silber

CHILDREN OF OPEN ADOPTION by Kathleen Silber and Pat Dorner

4 ADOPTION BOOKLETS by Brenda Romanchek

IN THIS HOME we believe in living deeply, laughing often and loving always.

We believe we were brought together to care and support each other.

We believe in celebrating together—Our faith, our heritage, our traditions.

We believe that everyone’s feelings count and that the unique of each of us strengthens all of us.

We believe in the power of forgiveness to heal and in the power of love to carry us through.

We believe in one another in this family, in this home.

"Sorrow Looks Back, Faith Looks Up"